Field of Crystal
by crystaldove
Summary: Post Stars epic of Usagi's past


Hi Minna! I got this story idea after watching an episode of Sailor Moon S. Some of you make think, 'Oh no, not another everyone hurts Usagi and she leaves story!' but I promise that this is different...she doesn't leave and the outers are in this one. This is a post Stars story, before the ascension to the throne and birth of Crystal Tokyo. This isn't a complete action or romance story, just something I've been thinking about in connection with how Usagi becomes Sailor Cosmos in the extreme distant future. I hope this doesn't confuse you because I'm going to span about 2000 years. You know what that means...flashbacks and foreshadows. Enjoy this story and please, e-mail me...I won't bite. 

Field of Crystal

By Crystaldove

"How goes the search?"

"It's the same as it has always been. But with the new maps, I've been able to load some of the more primitive systems. He probably sent them there and I think I'll find them soon."

"I hope so, my sons' wish was to have them back home, safe and sound…"

__

Now I will tell you what I've done for you

50 thousand tears I've cried

screaming deceiving and bleeding for you

and you still won't hear me

don't want your hand this time I'll save myself

maybe I'll wake up for once

not tormented daily defeated by you

just when I thought I'd reached the bottom…

Ami, Minako, Rei, Makato and the cats sat in the courtyard of Juuban High School, waiting for Usagi to finish speaking with her teacher. 

"What is taking so long? Where 'is' that girl?" Luna asked. "She knows we have training today."

"Oh Luna, she probably set the world record for failing her millionth test." Rei teased. 

Luna sat in thought for a moment before she rolled on the ground with laughter.

"Luna what's so funny?" Inquired Artemis.

"Oh I was imaging Usagi winning an award for that. I can see Usagi being presented with a golden dunce cap with 'Most Failed Tests' under it. " Luna went on to describe it and then everyone was brought to tears from laughing.

"Yeah she would probably klutz out and fall during the presentation too. I'm surprised she isn't covered with bruises."

"Yeah Rei, Usagi would definitely be considered the 'Ugly Ducking' of all princesses'. I wonder what Queen Serenity would think of her now?" Minako remarked.

"Well she wouldn't be the most proud mother in the world."

"Now Rei, that was just tasteless. Usagi's not 'that' bad. True she can't boil water without setting off the smoke alarm, but she tries."

"Makato's right Rei and besides who else would we laugh at if she wasn't a clumsy ditz?" 

Minako's statement resulted in another fit of laughter from the girls and the cats. Ami in the meanwhile sat politely giggling, not saying anything.

"Hey Ami, why are you so quiet, whatcha thinking?"

"Well, I was thinking about Mamoru? He's in college and I know she embarrasses him with her lack of intelligence and social skills. How does he put up with it…he must really love her."

"Either that or he doesn't want to hear her wailing, begging and pleading if he dumps her again. I mean, how did he put up with that?" 

"I didn't mean that Rei. I meant she must show him a side of her we don't see."

"Yeah, her backside, especially when she trips and falls." Luna added and the laughs began again. 

"No, we see that too, I'm afraid." Ami shyly stated.

"Seriously though, why is a solider, true she is the only one that can control the Silver Crystal, but to fight as Sailor Moon?" Asked Rei.

"She needed battle skills in order to understand how to use the crystal."

"Ok Luna, she knows how to use it, why is she still fighting?"

"Because alone you aren't strong enough. She also had to surpass trials in order to evolve into her stages that resembles Queen Serenity; even thought she got herself, not to mention you guys hurt and killed in the process. She still is the only one who can destroy the enemy."

"Well, I...whatever." The girls laughed again at Rei's embarrassment."

"And besides Rei, if not for her clumsiness, who you yell at?"

"I guess you're right Makato. Ooh where is that Meatball head?" 

__

~ I'm dying again ~

Luna was looking around and noticed the tip of a black shoe peeking out from behind the building. Creeping over to it she stared up into the hurt eyes of Usagi.

"Uh, um, Usagi...how long have you be...been..." Luna sputtered.

"Long enough to hear what my 'friends' truly think of me."

"Usagi we were just..."

"Joking right; who else would you laugh at?"

"Usagi we…uh I didn't mean it."

"Really Luna, then why say something you don't mean? That would mean you are liars; which seriously undermines our principles since liars don't fight for truth and justice. I've always known that Rei felt that way about me, but I genuinely thought the others cared about me. But the big 'dunce' was wrong again, huh Luna?"

"Usagi, I..."

"Save it. I don't need to hear your pitiful excuses of how sorry you are, because that's exactly what you are; pitiful and sorry!" Turing Usagi added. "I will fight when needed, but then again, I may get you killed which at this point is a good thing…I can't be around people who just pretended to like me and don't value me as their friend; just using me for comic relief. As for you Luna, you need to find somewhere else to live, since my klutziness can get you hurt or killed."

Luna watched full of regret, as Usagi walked away. The girls and Artemis noticed that Luna was looking at something and ran up and joined her to see Usagi's retreating silhouette in the distance.

"Hey Meatball head, that empty brain of yours forgot we were meeting today?" Rei screamed while the others laughed. Usagi paused for a moment before quickly walking away. Luna ran back to the others looking sorrowful and ashamed.

"Let her go Rei...Usagi, she heard everything." The girls exchanged nervous glances at each other until Ami gathered the courage to speak. 

"Everything Luna?"

"Everything…including your comments about her and Mamoru." Ami gulped nervously. 

"I…I didn't mean it, honest!"

"Didn't you? I said the same thing and like she said if I didn't mean it, why did I say it? I taught you girls to do everything from the heart. She always believed that Rei couldn't stand her and probably tolerated her for the good of the team, but it was the rest of us...our comments that hurt her the most."

"I never said I didn't like her." Rei stammered.

"But you never said you did either." Artemis added.

"I'm sure she will be ok in a while, we always teased each other." Rei expressed hopefully.

"No Rei, not only were we teasing her, we said them behind her back." Minako put in while still looking towards the direction Usagi headed. "Luna, she said something else, didn't she?" Luna sighed.

"She said that she would still fight…"

"But we are in the time of peace King Endymion told us about." Makato interjected. "Nothing else happens until after Mamoru and Usagi resume their titles and build Crystal Tokyo. What does this mean Luna?" Makato asked.

"She's won't associate with people who don't appreciate her; she wants nothing to do with us."

__

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies

so I don't know what's real and what's not

always confusing the thoughts in my head

so I can't trust myself anymore…

Usagi walked towards the university where Mamoru attended. Hearing the others only made the insecurities she had about their relationship resurface. She had to talk to Mamoru about what the girls said. She needed for him to hold her and tell her that he loved her whenever she was upset.

"Is he really embarrassed of me; staying with me to avoid conflict?" She said out loud. "Nah, of course he loves me, he lives his life by free will, he wouldn't be with me unless he wanted to."

Mamoru was sitting outside Café U, the eatery bordering the University of Tokyo. He was speaking candidly with Andrew about relationships.

"How are things with you and Reika?"

"Couldn't be better, she's out right now shopping for the Coronation Ball. What color will Usagi be wearing?"

"We're not going."

"Come on Mamoru, Usagi's a beauty. I thought you would want to show her off. I bet she's disappointed."

"She doesn't know."

"Huh?"

"I didn't tell her about it."

"You didn't tell her, why she's your girlfriend!"

"She's not...uh ready for something like that."

"I don't get you."

"The last time I took her to a collegiate function, she really embarrassed me. I told you about that ball for foreign exchange students; she even made the girls look bad. And I couldn't face Mr Jenkins for two months."

"That was over a year ago Mamoru, maybe if you helped her instead of ignoring her she wouldn't have tried so hard to please you. And having the girls there didn't help; they pick on her enough to make anyone nervous. Didn't you tell me that they showed up to the opera house when that violinist gave her two tickets and Rei started a fight with her?"

"Yeah, she wasn't paying attention to the performance...she was looking at me; besides Rei warned her."

"Rei warned her? Last I heard, Rei isn't anyone's mother! So whatever she says makes it right, frankly Mamoru are you dating 'all' of them? They can never seem to find their own dates; they just tag along with you and Usagi and you seem happy with that. Ok, she was staring at you, if Reika looked at me with as much adoration as Usagi looks at you, I'd be the happiest man alive."

"It's not that...she just does it at the wrong time. And no, the girls don't 'always' tag along with us. I just thought she would be more comfortable with people her own age."

"More comfortable for her or for you? Mamoru, are you embarrassed having Usagi as your girlfriend?"

"Well...sometimes, she's really sweet, just extremely immature."

__

~ I'm dying again ~

"Then why are you dating me?"

"I don't know, it's just...man Andrew you sounded just like Usagi!" Upon hearing no response, Mamoru looked up from his coffee to see Andrew's stunned face looking past him. Turning slowly, he looked into the heart-broken eyes of Usagi.

"Usa?" Mamoru croaked.

"What's the matter Mamo-chan, you were so vocal a minute ago? Why are you speechless now?"

"It's not what you think..."

"Of course, I'm not mature enough to understand anyway!" 

Mamoru flinched. 'She heard me' He thought. 

"And I'm to young and clumsy to attend this ball with you."

"Usa." He stammered trying not to make a scene. "Let me explain!"

"Yes, please explain why are you dating me, especially since I'm such an embarrassment to you? Someone you are ashamed of being alone with, so you get my 'friends' to tag along to take the pressure off of you!"

"No, it's not that..."

"YES IT IS! What, you're just too nice to break up with me…it's not the 'adult' thing to do; funny you did before. Well let me save you the trouble, I couldn't live with myself knowing I bring such shame and humiliation, not to mention ridicule to you. I think it's best to alleviate your sufferings and end things...permanently. Now you can be with someone more suited to your 'maturity'!"

"No, Usa...wait!"

"Goodbye…Mamoru." She turned to leave and said, "It's truly been a day of enlightenment." 

Mamoru stood ready to run after her, but Andrew grabbed him by the arm.

"Mamoru, what can you possibly say to erase the pain you've just caused her?"

"I don't know, I've go to do something...I love her!"

"You have the most unique way of showing it. She's right, if you are ashamed to take her to something as trivial as a ball, you 'don't' need to be together; just let her be. I doubt if you could unweave that web of heartbreak you've spun now anyway." 

Mamoru lowered his head in defeat. He'd really hurt her this time and it wasn't due to stupid dreams, sickness, death or brainwashing, just his cruel pride.

**__**

I'm going under

drowning in you

I'm falling forever

I've got to break through

I'm going under

For a girl whose idea of friends and love were smashed, Usagi was taking things quite well. Deep down, she always knew her relationships with the soldiers and Mamoru was out of obligation not true commitment. Now she was sure of it, she also knew that if not for her alter ego Sailor Moon and her past life as Princess Serenity, they wouldn't give her the time of day; not less be her friends or boyfriend. Usagi walked to the park and headed for the swings. In the distance Haruka and Michiru saw her and approached.

"I don't need my mirror to tell me you're troubled Princess."

Usagi looked up with tears streaming down her face and sighed.

"You might as well tell me how you 'really' feel about me now Michiru so I won't waste your time by stumbling upon you later. The same goes for you Haruka."

Haruka looked perplexed and turned to Michiru who just shrugged. A small twitch appeared on the Sky soldiers' face before looking back at Usagi. Pain, all she knew that her princess was in pain and that meant that someone was going to pay.

"Huh, what are you talking about Kitten?" 

Usagi relayed those afternoons' events to a shocked and angered Michiru and Haruka, in that order.

"So as I said, you might as well tell me and don't think of me as the princess." She stared blankly out into the distance as she dug her foot into the ground. "They never did."

"Usagi." Michiru calmly stated while she joined her on the swings. "When I first met you, I always sensed you were different. You radiate goodness, purity, hope and love; things I never had yet wished to obtain. True, at first I thought you were a bit childish, but you were entitled to that. You didn't have a life as harsh as Haruka's or mine. You came from a stable environment in which you were showered with love. None of us, Mamoru and the inners included, had that; that is one thing I envied. I wished I could have for one second the pure joy you experience everyday."

"You're just being kind; trying to make me feel better."

"No Kitten, she's right. You exhibited those same qualities during the Silver Millennium. Even though we hardly had contact with you, on the occasions where we did, you embraced us when we were shunned by the inners. You were our light in this dark galaxy that gave us the strength to fight when all seemed lost. It's amazing they would say such things when you are the one who showed them what a real friend is. And Mamoru, for someone who was rejected growing up, he sure forgot how it feels. Princess, your problem is not maturity, courage, or intelligence; your problem is compromise." 

Haruka received a puzzling look from Usagi. 

"What I mean is that you try so hard to please others that you compromise yourself in the process. You try so hard 'not' to be Usagi, that you've become a stranger to yourself. You try to be this ultra warrior/ homemaker to impress Makato and a study freak to appease Ami. You try to be serious and spiritual to shut Rei up and try to be athletic like Minako. Then for Mamoru, you try to be all these things, in addition to being cultured, sophisticated, mature and... a whole bunch of adjectives I can't think of! You even tried to do things to impress Michiru and me. But, has anyone tried to please you or make you happy? How often has Ami stopped forcing you to studying and have fun? Has Makato not ever made you feel small or helpless? And Miss Rei, does she give you a break from that mouth of hers? And how often Minako doesn't rub in your face the fact that Sailor V is more popular? Usagi has Mamoru ever let loose his 'I'm-in-college-I'm-so-sophisticated' routine and act like a kid again? Have they ever done anything you like doing? Do they even know your hobbies?"

Tears began to flow freely down her cheeks as the words Haruka said revolved in her head…

"No, they haven't."

"Usagi, what do you like to do?" Asked Michiru.

"Well contrary to popular belief, I can ice skate and I like to sing. The inners and I went skating together, but it was for a mission. I fell on my face a lot, because that's what they are used to. But in truth, I've been taking lessons since I was a child."

"I also like to dance, not any particular style, I let the music move me. I also draw; I prefer pastels to pencils, but I like doing landscapes and abstract forms."

"Wow Usagi, you like doing beautiful things. No wonder you have the most beautiful dream of us all."

"No, I'm all the things they said and more, even Reeny despises me; she told me she wished someone else was her mother." Usagi whispered wiping the tears from her eyes.

"No she adores you, Usagi."

"She adores her mother, and technically 'I' Usagi Tsukino am not her mother. Her mother is Neo Queen Serenity."

"Also known as Usagi Chiba." 

"No, not anymore Michiru, so I guess her wish came true...I'm just useless." She finished in a silent whisper.

"NO!" Haruka shouted. "Don't ever say that. How can a useless person save the world? How can a useless person unite galaxies? And how can a useless person get the Inner and Outer soldiers to work as one?"

"But I'm dumb, lazy, naive and a klutz...how can 'I' be a great queen?"

"Oh Usagi." Sighed Michiru. "If you tried to be what they want you to be, you would be smart, beautiful, courageous, mature...dull, boring, snobbish and cold."

"On the other hand, if you be yourself you would be smart, graceful, beautiful, mature, compassionate, vibrant and wise; a queen that everyone adores and respects." Finished Haruka.

"Respect, the one thing I never had from the others."

"But not us...come on Kitten, cheer up. Michiru and I were going for parfaits, come with us; my treat."

"No, I don't feel like it, but what makes you think that by being myself, I will be this wise and compassionate ruler?"

"Well, living with the guardian of time has its advantages!" Haruka stated with a wink. Usagi smiled slightly and embraced both of them.

"Thanks guys, it's good to have real friends."

They watched as their princess trotted home…feeling better than she was a few hours ago. For once, they saved her from her pain…

"Haruka…maybe now she understands just how much she means to us."

Haruka embraced her and nodded.

"And to think Michiru, we were told being blunt was a bad thing."

End chapter


End file.
